You Are Not Your Work - So Who Are You?

Whenever I meet new people, I often ask, "What do you do?" Their first instinct is almost always to respond with a job title or the name of their employer. But what if I asked instead, "Who are you?"

How would you answer?

Would you say, "I’m the daughter of Jane and John Smith?" That sounds odd, right? But in many ways, that’s exactly how we define ourselves—by external roles, relationships, or labels, rather than by who we truly are.

It’s a lack of clarity and ownership over identity.

Who are you, really?

We hold onto titles that give us a sense of self—wife, mother, CEO, nurse, teacher, yogi, entrepreneur. These labels feel safe because not knowing who you are is one of the hardest things to sit with. So, we adopt predefined identities, hoping they will tell us who we’re supposed to be.

But here’s the real question: What happens when you’re not that role anymore?

What happens when you lose your job? When your kids grow up? When the role you built your identity around no longer exists?

That’s when many people feel lost—because their identity wasn’t truly theirs to begin with. It was attached to something external. Something temporary.

I’ve learned that one of the hardest but most necessary things we can do is ask:

"Who am I?"—beyond titles, beyond roles, beyond what the world expects.

How Do You Start Finding Your Identity?

I’ve found that it comes down to a few consistent practices:

1. Write Down Who You Are in Spirit and Energy.

   
   

   Not what you do—who you are.

   • I am fun.

   • I am love.

   • I am energetic.

2. Even if you don’t feel that way today, write it anyway. The act of writing and seeing these words reinforces the energy and belief in yourself.

3. Create Stillness.

   
   

   Your mind and body need silence to have aha moments. Identity isn’t something you think your way into—it’s something you uncover in stillness. (Read my blog on aha moments.)

4. Give.

   
   

   Gratitude and generosity reinforce your sense of self. What you put out into the world is a reflection of who you are. Share your energy. Your identity will become clearer through what you give.

Who You Are Is Not a Noun—It’s a Verb.

One of the biggest realizations I’ve had is that identity isn’t a title. It’s not static. It’s not a job or a role.

It’s something you live. Something you express.

For years, I struggled when people asked me, "What do you do?" Even professionals tried to help me define it with a simple noun. But at the end of the day, I tell people:

"My north star is to help as many women as possible establish their own personally defined legacy—one that creates a safety net for the future of our children."

Then, I tell them how I do it—through my projects, my work, my mission. But even if I didn’t say a word, I know exactly who I am and why I’m here.

Seed question: Ask yourself who am I without using nouns.