What one dinner conversation taught me about boundaries

This weekend, I was at dinner with some friends when one of them said something that made me stop and think: "When you're a giver, you attract takers."

That one sentence got me reflecting. I’ve mentioned before, after reading Give and Take by Adam Grant—one of my favorite writers —that I became more aware of the three types of people he describes: Givers, Reciprocators, and Takers. This awareness has helped me grow, but the word that really stood out in this conversation was "ATTRACT."

Looking back at my past experiences, the choices I made, and even some conflicts, I realized something big: I did attract those types of people. I noticed patterns—times when I didn’t set boundaries, gave too much, or said "yes" even when I knew I didn’t want to. And even more surprising, I realized that sometimes I actually invited the Takers into my life.

For me, giving comes naturally. I love to share, help, and support others. But setting boundaries is a real challenge. When I don’t set them, I start to feel frustrated—not just with the Taker but with myself for letting it happen. That’s when resentment kicks in, and suddenly, the Giver—the one who just wanted to help—might seem like a "b*tch." But the real problem is that I agreed to something I never wanted to do in the first place. And once it starts, it’s hard to stop because, well, Takers keep taking.

One thing that has really helped me is surrounding myself with other Givers I trust. These are people who give genuinely, and I use them as my sounding board. They help me see when my boundaries are being crossed—because let’s be honest, as Givers, we don’t always realize where our own limits are.

It takes time and self-awareness to understand our boundaries. We have to check in with ourselves—does this feel right? Does this feel wrong? And if something doesn’t feel right, we have to trust that feeling and act on it.

Giving will always be a big part of who I am, but I’ve learned that giving with awareness and boundaries is the key to making it truly meaningful.